“My misplaced desires made me feel empty and I went to great lengths to fill the void within me”
Throughout my teenage years and into my early adulthood I struggled with lust and although I did not see it as a struggle at the time, I developed a deep desire for sex and a constant hunger for my next challenge. My misplaced desires made me feel empty and I went to great lengths to fill the void within me.
February 2007 was my turning point. A young man, broken and desperate to find what true love looked like, walked into a meeting that was led by a friend. I longed for the wisdom I heard coming from him and told myself that very evening, “Lord, if You are able to transform my life as you have done this man, I will dedicate my life to you”.
Something changed within me that day, and as a call was made for those who needed prayer to come forward, I found myself covered by the hands of a few people asking me if I needed prayer. That decision would turn out to be the most important I have ever made.
It changed the way I saw myself and the world around me. It gave me hope and a sense of belonging. I found meaning to a life that was previously meaningless. Most importantly, I had an encounter with love. A love much stronger than my desire for sex. A love so tangible I felt the covering every morning, crying with awe as I flicked through pages of the Word which said things like “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you (Jeremiah 1:5)”, and No temptation has befallen you that is new to man, but God is faithful. He will make a way of escape through the temptation (1 Cor 10:13).
I realised I had everything to gain and nothing to lose by surrendering to the one I have come to know not only as God, but also as my Father.
This journey has been incredible, and whilst I still face challenges, I always wear this scripture on my heart. “Assuredly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for my sake and the sake of the gospel’s, who shall not receive now in this time – houses and brother and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions – and in the age to come, eternal life. Mark 10:29-30
I will continue to be brave to explore all I can on this journey. If there is one thing I’ve learnt, it is this: His love truly is relentless.
Derick Dickson performs a song he wrote called “Relentless”
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