Finding Myself

I only felt beautiful in the presence of men

I grew up in a volatile and dysfunctional home with an abusive father turned absent father when my mother was forced to leave him in order to protect her four children.

With four children, one suffering with Down’s syndrome, my mother’s attention often came in short supply. My siblings and I competed for what was left. With a need for attention piercing through my conscience I went to search and meet that need through the opposite sex.

I would say I “lost” my virginity at 14 but I practically gave it away to the first person who gave me the inch of attention I so desperately desired. I only felt beautiful, valued and most importantly seen when I was in the presence of men. This downward spiral of promiscuity continued for years until I had an encounter with Christ who transformed my life and made me a new creation setting my feet firmly on the path of celibacy and purity. I got a new concept of what it meant to be a child of a loving and present Father who by his love showed me and continues to show me that He is all I need.

After my encounter with Christ I started to understand my identity and explore my God given talents of fashion and creativity, I just loved styling and creating an image of myself online. Unfortunately over time I began to lose my identity in the things that were external in the world, such as hair and makeup and clothing. I became a product of my environment and began finding my worth and value in the image I was creating of myself online and selling this to the world for likes and affirmation.

I eventually decided to free myself from that and shaved my hair off and temporarily stopped wearing makeup in a YouTube video series entitled “Soul Surgery” which went viral and continues to bless and encourage women all over the world.

I now spend my time relying on God’s power to make me the women he has called me to be and use me as an example to a world that is lost and in desperate need for identity.

Find out more about Breeny on Instagram @breenylee

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